Just what you wanted to know?

The secret daily life of the average BNPer


21st February 2007





A Hard- Hitting Expose involving Kippers, Russian-Style Bird Houses and a National Geographic Magazine!








Read this raw and gruesome account if you can stand to know the truth!


Rating: Triple XXX (because the birds that are spoken of in this account are not actually wearing clothes, but are wearing only feathers.)


No animals were harmed in the making of this article.





The secret daily life of the average BNPer





One bonny Saturday afternoon:





Fred: (Saunters up to Terrance as Terrance weeds his front garden)





Terrance, I just wanted to tell you that my wife and I don't mind living in the same neighbourhood with a BNPer. We just wanted you to know that. For years now we have lived in the same neighbourhood as you, and I was just telling my wife, the other day, that I would wager that you aren't all that different from anyone else.





Terrance: (Sighs inwardly, sits up, smiles patiently and puts down his weeding tools)


Well, that's very good of you Fred.





Fred: Yes, it is really, but I'm just that kind of a person. In order to prove to myself that you really are no different from anyone else in the neighbourhood, I have decided to follow you about for a few hours, just to get a feel for how you live your daily life. Now,Terrance, don't look so shocked and you don't have to thank me either. I don't mind a bit. It will do you a great deal of good for I shall be able to mention to the other neighbours just how good of a person you really are and I will be able to stem those nasty rumours going about the neighbourhood.





Terrance: What nasty rumours?





Fred: Oh, you know, the rumours that imply that because you are a BNPer you are a raving racist who shoots at the local bird-life.





Terrance: (Looks bewildered)


No, actually, I really had not heard that I am a raving racist who shoots at the local bird-life.


Are you sure that you want to watch me as I go about my daily business? I'm really very normal and my routine might bore you a bit.





Fred: Well, never you mind. You just go about your daily business and I shall watch. Go ahead. Proceed. Upwards and onwards Terrance! Just pretend that I'm not here.





Terrance: Well, I've just finished weeding my garden and I was just about to go inside and prepare some kippers on toast, perhaps browse through my latest copy of the National Geographic magazine, and then I was going to call Mr. Jabi at the dry- cleaners and ask him if my suit is ready yet.





Fred: (Follows Terrance from the garden into the kitchen area)


So, this is a nice house that you have here. Tell me, is 'kippers' a code-word for some sort of secret political meeting that you are going to host here today? It's ok. You can tell me.





Terrance: (Places some bread in the toaster and puts the kettle on to boil)


No, actually, I just like to enjoy a nice plate of kippers on toast after I weed my garden.





Fred: Right, right, right. So, do you have secret political meetings AFTER you eat the kippers on toast?





Terrance: (Looking more and more shocked) No Fred, I usually listen to Bach and do a crossword puzzle or read the National Geographic magazine. Do you care for cross word puzzles?





Fred: Oh, well, no I don't care for crosswords puzzles actually, but I suppose that you are really going to deal firmly with that Mr. Jabi at the drycleaners! Going to give him a good telling off then? Going to take out a bit of angst out on him with a good telling off, I suppose!





Terrance: Why would I do that? Mr. Jabi has been doing my dry-cleaning for years and he happens to be a very nice fellow.





Fred: Don't you hate him?





Terrance: (Looks unhappily exasperated)


No, I do not hate Mr. Jabi. I am against mass immigration, but I do not hate Mr. Jabi. Actually, Mr. Jabi enjoys a good dish of kippers on toast and he won a chess tournament last year. He's quite good at chess or so I think.





Fred: (Winks)


So, are you planning on smacking around Mr. Jabi, just a bit? You know, are you planning on roughing him up a bit, just to give the message?





Terrance: (Looking horrified)


Good God, no! Why on earth would you think that I was planning on slapping Mr. Jabi? What message? Fred, have you gone quite mad? Why would you think that I was planning on slapping a seventy year old man who eats kippers and does my dry-cleaning?!





Fred: Well, you ARE against mass immigration. Why wouldn't you slap Mr. Jabi about? Isn't that what the BNP is all about?





Terrance: I have heard that you are against abortion. Is that so?





Fred: Yes, that is true. My wife and I are very much against abortion.





Terrance: Well then, does that mean that you are planning on slapping a


nurse?





Fred: Of course not!





Terrance: Well, I'm not planning on slapping Mr Jabi!





Fred: (Looks disappointed, but then perks up.)


What's this? Is it a wooden box in which you hide your secret political- meeting agenda-papers?





Terrance: That's a bird feeder, in the shape of a small Russian-style house. I'm planning on putting a final coat of paint on it this week and then filling it with seeds and placing it out in my back- garden.





Fred: Are you going to slap the birds about once you lure them over to your


new birdhouse?!





Terrance: (Sighs and arranges his kippers on some toast)


Fred, I am not planning on slapping Mr. Jabi, nor am I luring birds towards my garden, in order to slap them! I have never felt like slapping anyone or anything!





Fred: (With a suspicious look on his face)


Never? NEVER?





Terrance: Well, maybe just once, but it was just a fleeting urge and I did the right thing by managing to overcome the fleeting urge.





Fred: Right, I knew it! And what were you doing at the time that this fleeting urge came over you?





Terrance: During the minutes that preceded the fleeting urge to slap someone, I had just finished weeding in my garden and I was preparing to read my copy of National Geographic or do a crossword puzzle, but at the exact moment that the fleeting urge came over me, I was eating kippers and preparing to telephone Mr. Jabi!





Fred: Aha! So, you did once have the urge to slap about Mr. Jabi!





Terrance: Not at all.





Fred: Well, if you didn't ever experience the urge to slap Mr. Jabi, then of which race was the person whom you did have the urge to slap?





Terrance: I really don't know. I really couldn't say.





Fred: That's odd. Shouldn't you be aware of the racial origin of the person whom you once had the urge to slap, even though you subsequently overcame the urge?


Terrance: I shouldn't think so.





Fred: I should think so! How can you claim to be a raving-racist, who slaps about garden-birds and people, if you don't even know the racial origin of the person whom you once wanted to slap?





Terrance: I never did claim to be any of those things. I am simply a member of the British National Party, but as for the matter pertaining to the racial origin of the person whom I once had the urge to slap, well, perhaps I can clear the mystery up for you, but still the point is that I overcame the urge to slap someone.





Fred: Well, go ahead then. Tell me. Of which racial or national background was the person whom you dearly would have enjoyed slapping?





Terrance: (Smiling happily to himself as he pops a piece of kipper into his mouth)


Hmm. It's hard to say. Tell me, Fred, are you English, Welsh, Scottish or Irish?

Just what you wanted to know?
that was interesting. did you write that yourself, or is it from something you read?





amazing how many people are like fred out there. terrance has more patience then i do.
Reply:Aja....
Reply:Do what? Read all that?
Reply:that was very good pity it attracted some time waster s who just wantedd to score some points. i this out of your head or a quote
Reply:cant be bothered to read it, something makes me think its not a question, i think i`ll report you!


Enjoy!
Reply:please give me the short version
Reply:Just hurry up, %26amp; get a candidate in my area!..
Reply:o wow that was so boring and wasn't even good.... wow i think u just wanted some points...... %26gt;:(
Reply:Fu*k reading all that.